Something happened to me recently, "something" is kinda vague so let me get right to the point....kinda. Here is something you didnt know, after the first line i wrote... I've been struggling to come up with the words that i want to use to describe how im feeling:
(5 minutes after just staring at the screen)
It's not because im ashamed of how i feel, or embarrassed... I'm just struggling to come to terms with whats goin on inside my head.
Im the kinda person that GIVES my trust away, never thought i did... but when i have a good feeling about someone, I just do. It seems more and more that this way of approaching relationships on any level just isn't the smart way of doing things. Then again, I dont want to be one of those people that shut the door on others due to "Past Experiences."
I think what it breaks down to is thinking with the heart - and- mind. Truly trying to come to an understanding of both entities. My heart feels that most have a good soul, there are just some people that make bad decisions at times. My mind is pretty much a free spirit when it comes to interracting with anyone. Funny enough, Im more picky with guys thats I let enter my life then females, im very critical about my friends that way. I try to avoid judging a book by its cover and if you were to take a look at my wide variety of friends, you would see that at first glance.
Lets just say that someone surprised me with their behavior recently and the only reason it disappointed me as much as it did, is because I have a lot of respect for them. If it were someone i could give less of a shiat about, it wouldnt bother me any...why should it, they arent important to me. When someone you hold in high regard does something to disappoint you, it kinda digs at you and i know that ANYONE reading this blog right now knows EXACTLY what im talking about.
Let me close with this:
It doesn't matter how much you love someone, how much they love you...whether it be a dog, cat, goldfish, family member, lover or friend. There's one thing that you can take for granted, that at one point... they
will disappoint you. That's just a fact of life! One day it might be shit on the floor, hopefully that was the cat or dog.... The bitter truth still remains, anyone that you care about...somewhere down the road, at some given time...will let you down.
That's the fatal flaw, and beauty of relationships.