Keep it positive....

Here is something I have noticed in the last lil while, a lot of people…are flat out whiney little Bi@tches. Life is NEVER good, if it is…its for a fraction of a second before they are complaining about something else. Now don’t get me wrong, anyone that knows me personally, knows that I’m a cynic, BUT…I do try to see the positive in things. All one has to do is CHOOSE to not let things GET THEM DOWN. I went thru a rough stint recently, and yes…I was bummed, really fu@king bummed. I stayed like that for about a full day, then thought to myself…why am I allowing myself to act in this fashion? Naturally, things in life are going to upset you, but that doesn’t mean you have to walk with your head down, mope and be miserable.

I get down just like everyone else, and by no means am I saying that I’m the example of how to live ones life…but when the shit hits the fan, I think about all the things in life that I’m thankful for. Like a loving mother and father, my ability to see, smell, touch and taste…I’m able bodied, I have good friends…my ability to write and influence people. Maybe it’s a nice day outside, a funny movie, kids making a snowman…there are no soldiers on our streets armed with automatic weapons, all my friends woke up this morning to live another day…this process is endless, when I think of such things, I cant help it but to smile J so why do so many people let ONE thing in life, completely bum them out…for so long, repeatedly.

Ill conclude with this example: negative msn headings. Its not enough that you are feeling shitty, so what do you do…REINFORCE that negativity by putting it up in print…furthermore, sharing your misery with everyone else. DON’T DO THAT TO YOURSELF. Instead, put down something that makes you HAPPY, isn’t that a lot more pleasant than your negative feelings? Just a thought.

Living is a process. There is good and there is bad… its important to acknowledge the good like EVERYONE does, then even when its bad, search out the good in that as well.

Without a compass...

The weights of disappointment now anchored in my stomach
Suffocating winds from all directions, making it hard for me to breath
I impatiently push for the clouds of confusion to lift
Bringing forth a new found day, and sunshine to this rainy face…

Soon to set sail on another adventure
Will I find treasure, or will I find treason
Paradise, or place of peril
Calm waters, or stormy seas….

I’ll simply look to the skies and the heavens above
Take my hands off the helm and let her heart roam free
No direction to be taken or destination preconceived
This boat will rest wherever it rests, taking this soul wherever it wills.

David.

2 minute sex....

Today while I was driving in the car, I recalled a 2 minute man scenario... From time to time, for some...too many times, men play the role of the two minute man. This is a woman’s way of mocking the male ego, making them feel good about themselves because they know that deep down inside...there is a reason why they were the VICTIM of the 2 minute massacre. I will now, for the first time ever, share with females WHY they end up with the two pump chump.

If you’re in a relationship with a TMM (two minute man) and you’re getting two minute sex:

a) He is a premature ejaculator
b) You're getting fat
c) He is fu@king your best friend
d) Saving himself for a solid Internet porn tug
e) You nag too much, SHUT THE FU@K UP

The correct answer: all of the above, and so fu@king what if I didn’t give you that option.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you’re a one night that that got the TMM Treatment:

a) You're a ONE NIGHT STAND, seriously...who cares! I'll letcha in on a secret, NOT HIM!
b) You're a booty call
c) He is never going to see you again
d) He's a premature ejaculator
e) Because you looked better with your clothes on

The correct answer: again, all of the above...deal with it.


CONCLUSION: Here is the sad but honest truth, if you have sex with any man that lasts more than 2 minutes all the time...I don’t want to be that man. Its nice to have a two minute release where you’re not counting the clock and you can just bust your man goo, and smile about it.

If a man fu@ks for more than 2 minutes, he got lucky... Unfortunately there are men out there that have set the standard TOO HIGH for the rest of us. Apparently, some men are having sex as long as up to 5 FU@KING MINUTES...way to ruin it for the rest of us guys. @SSSHOLES!

All joking aside, here are some tips to AVOID the short sex scenario. DONT TALK. Truly, SHUT UP...just take your clothes off - then get on - the desired penis. Too much foreplay, too much anticipation is just going to get him TOO EXCITED, and what happens when men get too excited ladies...that’s right, they make paper mache paste. Another one would be give and take, for instance:

1o minute sex and beyond = you swallowing and not complaining about it, or saying you’re going to gag or throw up. Again, SHUT UP and just DO IT. Same goes for being on top ladies, SUCK IT UP... we don’t want to hear about how shy you are. You think its cute, men think its gay. We don’t want to hear about your leg or jaw cramping, don’t want to hear about your bad knees...at this point, where you’re both naked, there is one thing a man is thinking about. That thought:

PENETRATION. Now get to work... CLASS DISMISSED!

Big Mouth.

Fu@k Em@il...

I'm so fu@king sick of email. You wanna know why? Because email is 99% pure horse shit. Remember the days where if you got an email, it was kinda like getting REAL mail, but on your computer.... Well those days are gone thanks to fu@ktards that circulate emails like the one you're about to read.

Subject: FW: 7 yr old with Cancer

> This child lives in the Wilson, NC area.
> This little girl is a 1st grade student at Mayfield Elementary School

Subject: 7 yr old with Cancer (this child is local) Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and I have a large tumor on my brain and severe lung cancer. The doctors say I will die soon if
this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills. "The Make A Wish Foundation" has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much.

But for those who don't send it, I will still pray for you. Please, if you are a kind person, have a heart. Please, please, PLEASE HIT THE FORWARD BU TTON.

Amy Bruce
Wake Forest Outpatient Dialysis
ForwardSourceID:NT00010D52

THIS IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT! <-------------- click this link and educate yourself! It took me roughly, ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm TWO FU@KING SECONDS TO RESEARCH THIS SHIT TO FIND OUT IT'S COMPLETE BULLSHIT, SO WTF DO YOU SEND THIS OOZING ELECTRONIC ELEPHANT SNOT TO ME?! Never in my life, even as BIG MOUTH would I ever catch myself saying, I don't care about a 7 year old with cancer. How about instead of wishing for 7 cents, you wish for a fu@king cure! But emails like this one don't make it that much of a stretch.

The email alone is so FU@KING stupid, think about it you JACKASSES... what good is 7 FU@KING CENTS going to do a CHILD DYING OF CANCER ANYWAYS?! You think she has a ton of time to save up the money, THEN when she has enough coin...PLAN and PURCHASE a trip to DISNEYLAND? Make a wish foundation is for kids that are going to die, LIKE...SOON! Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, dontcha think she might have just WISHED FOR A FU@KING TRIP TO DISNEYLAND IF THATS WHAT SHE WANTED, AND LEFT THE EXPEDIA.CA SHIT FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO HANDLE?!

Here is the point: If you send out these emails in bulk without researching the legitimacy of the email. You are a fu@king asshole.

Big Mouth.

$ave ca$h on batterie$

Thanks to Camyle for passing this my way a few months back, it finally made its way on to my amazing fu@king blog.


Big Mouth