Things I want...

but will never have:

I want to be hooked up to a Tim Hortons double double IV.
I want it pumped through my veins 24/7.

I want to be able to piss into my space age material underwear that absorbs
and eliminates all liquids.

I want superhuman tolerance to alcohol, to be able to drink as much beer as
I want and never get the spins, get sick...or worst of all, fu@k a fat
chick.

I want my ejaculate to taste like peanut butter, without all the
calories of course...and be a peanut butter producing machine.

I want two flavors now that I think about it, the other would be chocolate
so the women I dated would WANT to preform oral sex.

I want to be able to preform oral sex on myself.

I want all women to love oral sex.

I want to continue on with the oral sex "I wants", but won't in fear of
being labelled obsessed with oral sex.

I want everyone to think my farts smell as good as I do.

I want to know if UFO's really exist.

I want to know and understand the reason "why we're here!?"

I want the ingredients for scooby snacks.

I want to end this blog entry.


Big Mouth

a kid + a dildo = funny commercial

FU@K FIRETRUCKS AND TOY TRAINS - how come i never got one of THESE!?

Trading Spouses - Chappelle Style

Here is another classic Chappelle Clip - I can still watch this clip and giggle like a lil school girl. its a lil long, but a lot of funny shiat along the way.





The Hole - video powered by Metacafe

Big mouth.

Behold Gods creatures in all their glory!

Here's an entire new meaning of the word FUCKHEAD!

Big Mouth

System Restore - vs - System Recovery

The two System thingies up there, if you didnt know...one completely RESETS your computer...the other will allow you to essentially rewind or fast forward your computer from date to date, for instance ( you accidentally erased a program and dont have the software, restore simply sets your pc prior to the date you erased the program)

...anywho, thats what i WANTED to do. Instead, i did the system RECOVERY shiat...and oh my lord was i fu@king pissed! I had done a restore in the past, and vaguely remembered that i could do it thru the start menu...this was not the case with what i was doing, so i click the icon...having a gutteral feeling that im about to do something REALY FU@KING STUPID, but i pressed the button anyways.

WELL OFF TO THE RACES with everything that i had compiled to that date on my pc. I knew something was wrong now and tried to get out of it but the piece of shiat wouldnt let me...so i did what any computer genius would do ( kinda) I turned off the power LoL!

"I KNOW! THAT WAS REALLY FUCKING STUPID!"

To make an already long story short, when i logged back on i had corrupted files, which left me no other option but to continue on with my recovery, knowing that my 4oo downloaded tunes would be COMPLETELY ERASED!

MOTHER FU@KER!

Regardless, i have the majority of my tunes back...some that i wasnt able to get before, so taking everything into consideration...things turned out a-ok!

Big Mouth.

Interesting "RARE" find

This is pretty neat, found this surfing the internet...man, if sharks looked THIS fu@ked up in prehistoric times, imagine what the general landscape looked like!

David.

Coming together...

For the first time in a long time, i had a pretty decent weekend...things fell into place, spent some time with old friends, new friends and everything inbetween. I've been showing off my new stereo equipement to everyone i can possibly get my hands on LoL. "donthca love the sound, aint it fu@king incredible...doesnt this song sound much better with these overpriced 5oo dollar computer speakers" Bwhahahahahaha. I fu@king love them!

My room is finally clean, i tied up all the wires and the joint is looking pretty mint. Its a wicked set up, only drawback is that my room is smaller then most super max prison cells LoL. In fact, those cells are probably one up on my room, theirs has a shitter...so you never have to leave the room. I could be playing my xbox 36o, one problem tho... I have to take shit. HEY! "no problem" I have a shitter right there. I can POOH aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand PLAY!

Bonus.

I got a lot of rest over the weekend, im feeling refreshed and ready to hit the gym hard this week. Back to buffness for BIG MOUTH.

David.

Finally some good fortune!

It’s Thursday, it’s almost the weekend and I embrace that thought! This has been a decent week, far from a great one…some good news finally though. I had recently bought a surround system for my computer, it was pretty expensive, I broke it LoL. I only had it for 3 days, I know…I’m a champ!

I bought this bad boy at BEST BUY. I love this joint, to make a long story short….even though I broke it, they replaced it. They let me take a demo that they didn’t have hooked up anyways saying “we can put your broken one up as the demo and you can take the one we have up there now” NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL SERVICE.

Now apparently FUTURE SHOP and BEST BUY are owned by the same peeps, I think…at least here in Canada, but the shares are of different entities. I’ll tell ya this much, I’m BEST BUY for life! The sound system sounds AMAZING btw.

In other news, I got a battery for my car, it works…and I didn’t need a boost this morning LoL. YaY me! Independance RULES!

Big Mouth.

Hockey & Me

As mention in my previous blog, I’m playing hockey…tonight I have a game at 10:15, pretty late huh. I play for a team that’s not too talented, not to mention that I no longer play like my superstar self of yesterday. I used to be a decent hockey player about a decade ago LoL… I played competitive for years, played some AA and the whole bit. Now I was never going to play in the NHL but I often led my team in scoring, was one of the go to guys…and had respect from the other teams in the league.

What a long fu@king time ago.

First time I got on skates about 3 weeks back, with a stick in my hand…and against talented dudes (not on the outdoor rinks) I was EXHAUSTED. Game number one was painful, excruciating in fact…I thought I was going to die. I couldn’t catch my breath and I was winded after 30 seconds of every shift, I remember when I never wanted to get off the ice. This time around you would think that there were sharks swimming underneath the ice, and the frozen sheet was paper thin LoL.

The worst team in the league, outside of our group of course….got kicked OUT of the league, great news for us……

FUCK!

So basically the rest of the season is going to be US, going out to play THEM, and getting our asses handed to us on a nightly basis. Well, at least I’m having some fun, it’s good for my health…and I only had to spend 300 DOLLARS ON EQUIPMENT and TEN DOLLARS A GAME.

Big Mouth.

Sick and Tired

...we have all heard this phrase numerous times in our lives...it’s often over used…sometimes it fits the bill.

· Sick - deeply affected with some unpleasant feeling, as of sorrow, disgust, or boredom:

· Tired - to have one's appreciation, interest, patience, etc., exhausted; become or be weary

These are just a few of many definitions of the two words, but they are right up my alley as of late. I’m affected by unpleasant feelings a lot as of late and find that my patience and interest in things in general are becoming exhausted.

I have been buying myself things as of late, which is untypical of me…I’m a fu@king tight wad when it comes to cash. Even when it comes to me! I’m boosting my car EVERY morning because I refuse to spend money on a battery. Now that we are feeling the major chills, I’m forced into dropping some coin. I figure I am buying myself these things to compensate for my lack of self appreciation as of late.

This all stems from my lack of connection with people, in general…I’m kind of riding solo right now. I don’t have much of a support system as of late, the majority of my good friends are back home and spread out around Ontario. I need to plug into something positive. I’m playing hockey, twice a week now…trying to keep my head in the gym and eat right, which is real hard when I’m feeling less than 1oo%.

Maybe I don’t stress how important some of these pieces of my life truly are to me, maybe my mistakes that have led to this scenario…regardless, I want to address and remedy this problem as soon as possible.

David.

The Hairdresser Horror...

Today, I went to get a haircut…a BAD haircut. See here’s my problem, I’m a cheap mother fu@ker, so I'm always looking for a shortcut (ha, excuse the pun) So instead of going to the barber, where they know what the fu@k they’re doing, I go to the retards and hairdressing school to mutilate my fu@king skull jacket.

Now as you can tell by all the cussing, I'm pretty fu@king pissed about it. Truth is, the majority of these useless fu@ks will never get hired on anywhere…its really a glorified BARBIE play center where all the girls get to play with doll heads and try out all their funky hair styles on a mannequin head that cant run away, nor say “what the fuck are you doing” then grow a plastic arm and slap them in the mouth for being such an incompetent fool!

Well, I’m partially the tard for continuously going to these places just to save a couple of bucks. First off, I just get my head buzzed…not that big a fu@king deal, so I thought…for these girls, I might as well be asking them to climb Everest. They hold the sheers like a limp dick for starters, and then they don’t even apply pressure when placing the sheers to your scalp…like they are going to fucking cut me or something. I would be surprised if they even knew that those kind of sheers were incapable of penetrating skin. Chances are if I were to tell them, I would get something like “Oh my gawd, like for real…” and blow another fu@king bubbalicious sphere.

Here is what happened to MY head. It took about 20 minutes to start off with, cuts all the hair off my head…and leaves the sideburns at the length they were when I walked in the joint LoL… she then asks, “how does that look”… I wanted to say, “ummmmmmmmmmmm, it looks FU@KING RETARDED!” Unfu@king real this chick… don’t get me wrong, she was a pretty young thing…just dumb as a fu@king brick. Then to seal the deal, she gives me a line in the back that looks like she has a fu@king seizure when she got back there…

Overall, a painful experience…lesson learned, instead of cheaping out and going to wannabe hairdressers, ill head to the pro’s and get shiat done right and save myself the skull rape!

BIG MOUTH.

Trapped in my mind...

I close my eyes, a lifetime between every blink
Every step I take is slow and trying…I’m walking in quicksand
Listening to my heart, dancing to the beat of an uncontrollable drum
Followed by every breath suffocated by painful memories

My body boiling over, I slowly begin to numb

How much longer can I feel…

Passion

Serious blog alert!

I find my soul to be weary as of late…I can’t really describe its current state. Impartial, weary…bored, I’m not really sure. I always seem to be out of gas and my faith in people is at an all time low, nobody in particular…but there’s a void, an emptiness that needs to be addressed. Its been awhile since I have seen an evolution in my emotions, I'm kind of flat…same face, different day and I don’t like it – I don’t like it at all. I’m lacking passion for the things that I enjoy.

Today I was listening to Phil Collins on my drive into work (a groovy kind of love) Click the link for some Phil Collins goodness! Man, I love that song, I could listen to it on a loop all day long. It just does something to me, every time I hear it…I get chills, I see the video for that song playing in my head. There is a lone chair set up in the cellar/basement…he (Phil) then walks up to the chair, sits down with a cig in hand and flicks on a projector…watching this love dance on 8mm of film, light and canvas…it’s just magic to me. I envision that song playing on my wedding day. I stare deeply, passionately into my wife’s eyes and hearing it play…just like I've heard so many times before, but this time…its playing exactly the way I had seen it for so many years. That’s the passion I want to feel, that’s the passion I want to live, the passion I want to give.

…Then I remember that I’m almost 30 years old and haven’t had a relationship breach the year plateau in about 10 years LoL.

I need to make passion a priority in my life… take some time to think about me a lil more here and there. I love my music, cheesy 8o’s tunes…that you know someone couldn’t just write. It came deep down from within, somewhere painful…sometimes somewhere very private, but it came from the heart. At least, that’s how they sold it… it was real. Who knows, maybe I need to write a song J don’t worry, I won’t be doing the vocals LoL.

Don’t get me wrong here, I’m generally a happy guy…this blog isnt Big Mouth in crisis. It just been a long time since I’ve opened up and discussed the inner me, you know…the more interesting part of David. I’m making this the first step on the road to being a more passionate person, writing a passionate blog…watch out world, here I come.

Me.

El NiNo = El ProBleMo!

In Canada, the birds aren't flying south, we have frogs on the forests floors...it's some messed up shiat right now. I'm so tired of the so called EXPERTS telling ME that the warm weather this year isnt anything to be alarmed about, it has NOTHING to do with global warming...it's just "EL NINO"

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, O.K... no problems bud, thanx for the update.

YOU FU@KTARD, in my estimation...EL NINO wouldn't be in existence if we weren't burning out our planet to begin with. Global warming is an issue that must be addressed and I suggest to anyone and everyone to check out "The Inconvenient Truth" a documentary starring former Vice President Al Gore, this movie may be a lil slow...but the facts are staggering. it WILL change the way you live, if it doesn't...you're a piece of trash.

The link provided will take you to a website for more information. It's as simple as turning off the lights when you're done with them, relaxing on the hot water, don't idle your car, using energy saving products (light bulbs) ... I could go on and on, but chances are by this point of the blog, if I haven't peaked your interest...I’m not going to now.

check it out - start making changes.

David.

Saddam - vs - Rope

LLLLLLETS GET READY TO RRRRRUMMMMBLLLLE!

A blog a day....

keeps the doctor away... I feel much better, physically, mentally...entirely when im writing blogs. Its a release for me and for some reason i have really been slacking as of late. I could blame it on the holidays, i could blame it on being busy with work, i could blame it on a number of things...but im going to pin it on pure laziness LoL. Im just tired. really tired....

Im getting close to burn out, im not exercising as much, not watching my diet as closely and not getting enough sleep at night. im starting to pay the price now, i can feel my throat slowly swelling, you know that feeling! starts off just a lil tender, you head to bed...then wake up feeling like you were swallowing broken glass all night. hopefully that wont be the case.

my xmas was alright, got a computer...hence this is my first blog written in the comfort of my own home. maybe that will make for more interesting blogs, at least...possibly more spontaneous when i can just vent at any given time if need be. Other then that, nothing that exciting new years either - some great company of course :) but really, all that was accomplished were dozens of hands of texas holdem and a lil drinking.... didnt even catch the countdown! LoL... goodbye 2006 and welcome 2007. all the best to the bigmouth faithful.

bring on the new year champs! Im ready to go another 12 rounds....

David.

HAPPY NEW YEAR - 2oo7 - IS HERE...

Ok, big fu@king deal LoL...its 2007, what has changed...ummmmmmmm, at the end of 2oo, there's a 7 instead of a 6. There are still troops overseas, George Bush is still in office and I still have that rash from the girl i met in the parking lot a few weeks back.

Just kidding...the rash is LONG gone!

What was your new years resolution, probably nothing too exciting...the sad thing about NYR's is that (a) you never keep them (b) you only make one a year and cant even make it happen (c) pretty fu@king sad huh...

Another year, what will this one bring...I'm guessing some happiness, lots of stress, laughter and a fair share of tears. Life is tough, years have nothing to do with it. I dont find i have good years and bad years... I just know that i have had a few that were HORRIFIC and im glad they are gone...the rest just falls into grey matter. "Life is what you make it" - so they say... I tend to be more along the lines of "make the most with what you have" that makes much more sense to me, "why" you ask....

If i get Cancer, i didnt make that happen... it just did. maybe it would apply if I smoked or treated my body poorly - but- if i just happened to get Cancer...I make the decision whether or not im just going to let it eat up my life force, or if I'm going to try and make every day count... hence, making the most with what I have.

Regardless, all the best in 2007 friends...you are always welcome in my basement :D Eat Dirt...

Big Mouth.