SCRABBLE!

Fu@k UNO, I’m addicted to SCRABBLE.

Recently I have started to play SCRABBLE, pretty brave considering that I can only spell at a grade 4 level. Nonetheless, I was REALLY enjoying this game…until I started playing the computer.

The computer is basically Bill Gates, Stephen Hawkings and Jesus all wrapped in one. Here is a quick example of what I’m talking about. You always have 7 tiles sitting in front of your face, most of the time…shit tiles, crap that you can’t do anything with…that’s unless, you’re the fu@king holy trinity in which I spoke of a few lines up.

The computer religiously uses all 7 tiles…last night the shi@tbox posted a 109 point word on my @ss, a word that of course I have never heard of, furthermore, has probably been used less then a dozen times in the English language since the beginning of time. Jesus didn’t even know the fu@king word, Stephen and Bill got that one!

The Official Dictionary of Scrabble recognizes 105 two letter words! Like QI. Q FUCKING I … meaning:

ARE (3) YOU (3) FU@KING (7) KIDDING (7) ME (2)

Truth is, Scrabble ain’t no fu@king joke, its some serious shi@t….if you want to get good at that game, you have to learn the small words. The 105 two letter words as well as the 1ooo three letter words; there are Hebrew, Greek and Latin words as well. Too much shi@t for my fourth grade ass to comprehend.

SCRABBLE against friends = fun, especially if you have dumb friends

SCRABBLE against the computer = (noun) GAR – BAGE [gahr-bij] 7 points


Big Mouth

So im taking a piss...

The establishment in which i was taking this pee decided to place the urinals so close to one another in this particular bathroom, that my penis was practically fighting for space with the penis on my left ( a penis war ) of course, my penis won.

O.K so our dinks werent touching, but our shoulders were pretty much side by side. I almost felt obliged to give the dude a fu@king kiss or something. It was becoming an intimate moment, so i quickly gave my jungle snake a shake and zipped up.

What an awkward moment to share with another man. I didnt know what to do, it was a very uncomfortable urination... I figured the right thing to do was smack him on his ass on the way out and left a $2o by the sink LoL.

Alright, so i exaggerated a little bit...so sue me, it made for a better story, didnt it.... But the point still remains, spread out the pissers a bit...im there to take a tinkle, not to find a date.

Big Mouth.

ARGH MY FU@KING NECK!

I have a pinched nerve, woke up with it earlier this morning, its right between the spinal cord and peripheral nerves.


It feels like i have a fu@king midget chewing on the nerve itself, its absolutely awful and i feel like a turd having to turn my whole body around when i wanna look at something.

Im almost positive this will influence my masturbation, not cool.



MASTURBATION looks something like this.







Big Mouth.

mp3 / mp4 / mp FU@K!

Technology is just too much for me nowadays, i dont know what the fu@k is going on anymore. I only got into mp3's about 2 years ago, tops...before that, i was the last to get rid of my cassettes and it took me forever to start messing around with CD's. DvD's, dont even get me started on that shiat...I had a VHS til i bought my xbox 360 one year ago...and ya wanna know what, i loved my VHS and the porno that i would watch on it from time to time.

...and when i say time to time, of course...i mean all the time...

I also recently purchased my own computer, so for the first time in my life i can MAKE MY OWN FU@KING CD! Now thats pretty cool. Technology has its perks, I can drive a 17 year old car with a lone cassette deck and analog radio set up, yet buy an adapter and listen to mp3's! Ha, that just cracks me the fu@k up... Media for the masses! If only they could improve on other things the way that modern day society has for this medium, what a world it would be....

David.

History of Valentines Day...

As early as the fourth century B.C., the Romans engaged in an annual young man’s rite to passage to the God Lupercus. The names of the teenage women were placed in a box and drawn at random by adolescent men (sweet) a man was assigned a woman companion for the duration of the year, after which another lottery was staged…you know, in case she was a bitch, didn’t listen to you when you told her what to do, couldn’t cook or starch your shirts the way you liked.

Regardless, lets call it a PUSSY POT!

After eight hundred years of this practice, the early church fathers, (party poopers) sought to end this practice... They found an answer in Valentine, a bishop who had been martyred some two hundred years earlier (for good reason, that bastard)

Basically, we celebrate Valentine for fu@king up guaranteed pussy for guys! Are you telling me if most fella’s knew this, they would be as excited to perpetuate this ritual? (I think not…) it’s a lil discouraging knowing that at one point in history come this once wonderful day…I knew I was getting some! Now I have to be nice and shi@t if I want some action, fu@k that. I want my lottery back, WHERES MY PUSSY POT!?

(gone)

Now come February 14th, we (the dudes) have to work for it (PFFFFFFT) and all thanks to this mother fu@ker, Mr. Valentine….















Thanks a lot Bi@TcH!

Big Mouth.

Top 5 comedic performances...EVER!

Dane cook, he has been around for a while but only recently got recognized as being an incredible talent. This clip is 2o minutes long and its laughter all the way through. If you DONT have speakers at work, make sure to check back as soon as you have the chance and tell me if my subject heading is wrong...i DARE you.



Big Mouth.

Another Monday....

Yet another Monday, YaY Monday...NOT, im still sick. I feel like ive been chewing on broken glass all night long. My eye isnt as red as it was previously, but im still getting some crusties over night and its a lil bit uncomfortable. Im really stuffed up and im bringing up a lot of snot, but it tastes yummy...so its ok! (LoL, joke....)

At least when you were younger, you didnt mind being sick as much...cause you knew you got to miss school, and that ROCKED! I remember even being old enough to take myself to dentist and doctors appointments and such and the liberating feeling that you got when YOU were running around town while all the OTHER kids had to be in school / prison! I would take my sweet as time getting to wherever i had to go, smiling all along the way.... even if i wasnt feeling 1oo%.

Even staying at home was pretty cool, watching all the television programs that you didnt know really existed...some awesome cartoons that you would usually miss because u had to be out the door at 8. then things slowed down around 2pm because all the soap operas hit the air LoL. Those sucked! Although i do remember a character BO, and he was HAWT...LoL, and another character named Victor. Proabably 2 different soaps all together....but who gives a fuck, they didnt have shiat on TRANSFORMERS! *more then meets the eyes*

Oh well, i will just have to grit my teeth and get thru this sickeness, it truly feels like ive been eating dirt, ironically enough...one of my catch phrases. Karma kicking me in the ass LoL, regardless......BITE ME!

Big mouth.

Pink eye sucks...

Yes, yes it does... then again, its better then a kick in the junk. I dunno how i even got it this bad, i was fine all week long, other then a few flu symptoms...then SHAZZAM!!! Im driving home and happen to catch my eye in the rear view mirror, and it looked like the horror you see on the left! No it doenst hurt, but theres been enough discharge to fill up a bottlecap of ketchup.


Sore eyes. Big Mouth.

Clever lil joke...

Once there was a man named Bob. Bob was in trouble. Why, because he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really upset, understandably. She told him

"Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds, and, IT BETTER BE THERE."

The next morning Bob got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and, sure enough, there was a small box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Big Mouth.

"Playa Hatas Ball" Classic Chapelle

Man this clip cracks me up everytime i watch it.

WATCH HERE! <-------------------

Enjoy the clip,

Big Mouth.

"Federline!"

K Fed catches a lot of slack, only because he is a regular guy...that just happened to hook up with a superstar! Therefore he gets labelled a mooch and so on...truly, the only reason he caught so much slack is because EVERY MAN on the face of the planet wanted to BONE Britney Spears, but HE actually went out and DID IT. If you ask me, thats a driven young man LoL...at the very least, the man has goals!

He has also appeared on WWE wrestling and quite frankly, the fans love him...hes the man you love to hate, and he is thriving in that world...he spoofs himself.

K Fed has balls, i respect this guys work ethic and the ability to just roll with the punches. at first, lots laughed AT this guy...people are now beginning to laugh WITH HIM. Enjoy a classic superbowl commercial courtesy of Mr.Federline!


Super Bowl 2007 - Kevin Federline Superbowl Ad - video powered by Metacafe

Big Mouth

Valentine Shmalentines!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm what to talk about today, or should I say..."what should I blog today" Truth is theres nothing much to report. The week is blazing by, kinda looking forward to the SUPERBOWL game and I have tickets to check out the Sens come Valentines Day.

Theres something to blog about, Valentines Day... Fu@k i hate Valentines. Due to the fact that I cant remember the last time I was with anyone this time of year, ya know...in a serious committed relationship. In fact, I have a hard time recalling anyone important, anyone of substance that I was with at any given time in my past on Valentines Day. Actually, one girl... I dunno if she reads this blog, but her name is Keira. Probably the nicest girl I ever dated, heart of gold... She was the most genuine person I think I ever dated, she set the bar for me as to what I come to expect from another human being in a relationship.

Keira, if you do happen to read this blog... I hope that I told you this at one point, and I think I may have after we dated... "but youre an exceptional person and I appreciate what a good person you were. I'm happy and honored to be able to call you my friend."

Now back to how shitty Valentines Day is LoL. Just kidding, that lil rant kinda mellowed me so im just going to leave it at that.

David.